12 Tips on How to Be a “Good” Mom When Depressed
Hey mama, it's Dr. Lilit here. Look, I get it. Bedtime rolls around again, another day seemingly unfinished. The laundry taunts you, dishes pile up, and that to-do list on the fridge feels like a personal attack. On top of it all, there's this heavy weight in your chest, a constant hum of doubt whispering about your ability to be the mom you dream of being.
You're not alone. So many of us juggle motherhood with the invisible weight of depression. But here's the thing I want you to hear loud and clear: you can be a good mom and manage depression.
More importantly, let’s reframe the idea of being a “good” mom. Instead of carrying the pressure of personal, familial, and societal expectations (and feeling ashamed when you don’t meet them), it may be more helpful to focus on how you can be a conscious, mindful, or nurturing mom.
I specialize in helping working moms like you navigate this journey with strength, joy, and most importantly, self-compassion. We'll explore strategies to tackle depression and create the fulfilling motherhood experience you deserve.
Let's rewrite this story together, mama.
Understanding depression and motherhood
Depression can zap your energy and motivation, making the simple act of getting through the day feel like a constant uphill battle. As a mom (especially a mama to younger children), this can be especially overwhelming. We're constantly bombarded with messages about the "perfect mom," the one who effortlessly juggles work, a clean house, and perfectly happy kids. But the truth is, this ideal is pretty unrealistic for most mothers, even those without mental health issues like depression.
Here's the reality: Being a depressed parent doesn't mean you're a bad mom. A parent's depression can affect family life, but it doesn't diminish your love and care for your children. Developing depression isn't your fault, and you don't need to feel ashamed of your struggles.
The good news? There are ways to manage it, and there's incredible support available. The first step is understanding how depression can manifest in motherhood, and why it's crucial to silence that inner critic whispering doubts in your ear.
Here are some common parental depression symptoms that you may notice as a mom:
Feeling constantly drained and exhausted, even after getting enough sleep.
Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, like playing with your kids or spending time with friends.
Changes in appetite – either eating a lot less or a lot more than usual.
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions, leading to feelings of overwhelm and frustration.
Increased irritability and feeling short-tempered with your children, even though you hate it.
Negative thoughts about yourself and your parenting abilities, leading to guilt and shame.
Struggles with sleep, either difficulty falling asleep or waking up frequently.
Loss of the joy you used to find in motherhood.
If you're experiencing several of these symptoms for more than two weeks, it's important to reach out to a mental health professional for help. Even if you don't have a formal diagnosis of major depressive disorder, postpartum depression, or other mood disorder, you deserve support.
Remember, mama, depression doesn't have to define your motherhood journey. There's hope, and there's a path forward to feeling like yourself
My top tips for navigating being a mom with depression
Juggling motherhood, career, and your own mental health can feel totally overwhelming. However, there are ways to find your balance and create space for both self-care and nurturing your family. Here are some of my favorite strategies to help depressed parents feel better.
Prioritize self-care (even in small doses!)
We know, "self-care" can feel like just another thing on your ever-growing to-do list. But hear us out—self-care isn't about bubble baths and spa days (although those are fantastic too, if you can swing it!). It's about carving out small moments throughout your day to recharge your batteries. Here are some achievable self-care practices:
1. Start your day with a short mindfulness exercise.
Take five minutes for deep breathing or guided meditation to set a calmer tone for the day.
2. Sneak in a quick walk during nap time.
Fresh air and a change of scenery can do wonders for your mood.
3. Delegate tasks.
Don't be afraid to ask your partner, family, or friends for help. Even small things like folding laundry or prepping dinner can make a big difference.
4. Schedule time for activities you enjoy.
Whether it's reading a few pages of a book, listening to music, or calling a friend, make time for things that bring you joy.
5. Focus on getting enough sleep.
We know this can be a challenge, but prioritize getting quality sleep whenever possible. Aim for 7-8 hours a night.
Build a support system
You don't have to navigate motherhood with depression alone. Building a strong support system is crucial for your well-being. Here's how:
6. Seek professional help.
Therapy or coaching can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and learn strategies for managing depressive symptoms. My practice specializes in helping moms like you overcome depression and thrive in motherhood.
7. Connect with other moms.
Talking to other moms who understand your struggles can be incredibly validating. Consider joining a support group online or in your community.
8. Don't be afraid to lean on your partner, family, and friends.
Let them know what you're going through and what kind of support you need.
Integrate your roles instead of "balancing" them
Trying to compartmentalize "mom" time, "work" time, and "self-care" time can be exhausting. Instead, let's explore the concept of "role integration." This means finding ways to incorporate elements of self-care and work into your daily routine with minimal disruption. Here are some ideas:
9. Can your child play independently while you take a short meditation break?
10. Can you listen to a work call while folding laundry or prepping dinner?
11. Can you take your child on a walk during your lunch break?
12. Can you delegate work tasks to free up time for self-care activities?
Remember, mama, integration doesn't mean perfection. It's about creating a life that works for you and your family.
My approach to support mothers' mental health
As a clinical psychologist and mama myself, I deeply understand the challenges of navigating motherhood—especially when mental health problems like depression are involved. It can be hard to feel confident in your parenting abilities, effective in your work role, and grounded in your personal life all at the same time.
That's why I've dedicated my practice to supporting professional moms. Whether you have a diagnosed mental illness or are simply struggling, our services can help. We offer both therapy and coaching in order to best suit your unique needs.
Therapy can be a powerful tool for delving deeper into the root causes of your depression (and other mental health conditions). It provides a safe space to explore past experiences, develop coping mechanisms, and gain a better understanding of your emotions. Therapy can be a transformative experience, helping you heal from emotional wounds and build resilience.
Coaching, on the other hand, focuses more on the present and future. It's about setting goals, developing strategies for managing depression, and building the skills you need to thrive in motherhood. Coaching can help you create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
The important thing to remember is that you don't have to navigate this alone. Whether you choose therapy, coaching, or a combination of both, I'm here to walk alongside you on your journey. We'll work together to develop a personalized plan that empowers you to manage your depression and embrace the joys of motherhood.
Final thoughts
Mama, you are not alone. Depression is a common struggle, and there's no shame in reaching out for help. You deserve to feel like yourself again, to experience the joy of motherhood without the heavy weight of depression.
Remember, prioritizing self-care, building a support system, and integrating your roles are all crucial steps towards managing depression and thriving in motherhood—but you don't have to do it by yourself. We're here to empower you on your journey.
Ready to take the first step? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your unique needs and explore how our services can help you create the fulfilling motherhood experience you deserve. Don't wait, mama. There is hope, there is strength within you, and a path forward to a brighter future awaits.
